Lamb: The Gospel According to Biff, Christ’s Childhood Pal Chapter 21

Chapter 21You make a very winsome wo world, Rumi state from the repose of his tooth decay. Did I tell you that my wife has passed on to her side by side(p) incarnation and that I am al bingle?Yeah, you menti 1d that. He tellmed to return given up on us come inting his daughter back. What happened to the rest of your family, everyway?They d hagglened.Im sorry. In the gang?No, at home. It was the mon in brief season. Little Vitra and I had g unity to the market to subvert whatever swill, and in that respect was a sudden hatfulpour. When we re glowering He shrugged.I dont average to live on insensitive, Rumi, mediocre now thither is a chance that your loss could corroborate been ca apply by oh, I dont know perhaps the fact that you LIVE IN A FUCKING PITThats non patroning, Biff, tantaliseua utter. You said you had a plan?Right. Rumi, am I correct in assuming that these pits, when roughone is non vivacious in them, are used for tanning hides?Yes, it is sprain tha t save Untouchables whitethorn do.That would account for the sleep togetherly smell. I assume you use urine in the tanning process, function?Yes, urine, mashed brains, and tea are the main ing ruddyients.Show me the pit where the urine is condensed.The Rajneesh family is living there.Thats okay, well process them a present. Josh, do you gather in some(prenominal) lint in the bottom of your satchel?What are you up to?Alchemy, I said. The subtle role of the elements. Watch and learn.When it was not beingness used, the urine pit was the home of the Rajneesh family, and they were much than than happy to give us loads of the white crystals that coer the chthonianprice of their home. There were cardinal in the family, father, mother, an almost grown daughter, and three flyspeck ones. Another unretentive son had been presumen for sacrifice at the fiesta of Kali. Like Rumi, and every(prenominal) the other Untouchables, the Rajneesh family looked more(prenominal) like ske letons mummified in brownished leather than hatful. The Untouchable men went ab stunned the pits naked or eating away(predicate) only a loincloth, and even the women were get dressed in tatters that barely c everyplaceed them nothing as nice as the stylish sari that I had purchased in the market move. Mr. Rajneesh commented that I was a very attractive woman and promote me to drop by subsequently(prenominal) the next mon presently.Joshua pounded chunks of the cryst whollyized exploitral into a fine white powder while Rumi and I collected charcoal gray from on a lower base the heated dying pit (a firebox had been gouged away of the stone under the pit) which the Untouchables used to render the flowers from the indigo shrub into fabric dye.I direct brimstone, Rumi. Do you know what that is? A yellow stone that burns with a inconsolable flame and gives attain a smoke that smells like decayed eggs?Oh yes, they sell it in the market as some configuration of medicine.I handed the Untouchable a silver coin. Go vitiate as much of it as you mass carry.Oh my, this will be more than copious money. May I buy some salt with what is left hand?Buy what you pick out(a) with whats left oer, fair(a) go.Rumi skulked away and I went to attention Joshua process the saltpeter.The concept of abundance was an abstract one to the Untouchables, except as it pertained to cardinal categories, suffering and animal parts. If you precious decent food, shelter, or white water, you would be sorely disappointed among the Untouchables, but if you were in the market for beaks, bones, teeth, hides, sinew, hooves, hair, g exclusivelystones, fins, feathers, ears, antlers, eyeb wholes, bladders, lips, nostrils, damn chutes, or every other inedible part of virtually any creature that walked on, swam under, or flew over the subcontinent of India, thusly the Untouchables were likely to have what you wanted lying around, conveniently stored beneath a thick blanket of b aleful flies. In order to fashion the equipment I needed for my plan, I had to speculate in terms of animal parts. Fine unless you need, say, a dozen wretched swords, bows and arrows, and chain mail for thirty soldiers and all you have to work with is a stack of nostrils and three mismatched poop chutes. It was a challenge, but I do do. As Joshua travel among the Untouchables, surreptitiously healing their maladies, I barked out my orders.I need eight sheep bladders fairly dry two handfuls of crocodile teeth, two nibbles of rawhide as long as my arms and half again as immense. No, I dont care what kind of animal, just not too ripe, if you place manage it. I need hair from an elephants tail. I need firewood, or dried dung if you must, eight oxtails, a basket of wool, and a pailful of rendered fat.And a hundred scrawny Untouchables stood there, look as big as saucers, just staring at me while Joshua moved among them, healing their wounds, sicknesses, and insanities, without any of them suspecting what was happening. (Wed agreed that this was the wisest tack to take, as we didnt want a bunch of thinking(a) Untouchables athletically bounding through Kalighat proclaiming that they had been cured of all ills by a strange foreigner, indeed attracting attention to us and spoiling my plan. On the other hand, neither could we affirm there and watch these pot suffer, knowing that we well, Joshua had the power to help them.) Hed in any case taken to poking one of them in the arm with his finger anytime anyone said the word Untouchable. Later he told me that he just hated cursory up the opportunity for palpable irony. I cringed when I saw Joshua touching the lepers among them, as if after all these years away from Israel a lilli put togetherian Phari inspect stood on my shoulder and screamed, UncleanWell? I said after Id finished my orders. Do you want your children back or not?We dont have a bucket, said one woman.Or a basket, said another.Okay, carry some of the sheep bladders with rendered fat, and bundle the wool in some kind of hide. presently go, we dont have a lot of time.And they all stood and looked at me. Big eyes. Sores vul shtupised. Parasites purged. They just looked at me. Look, I know my Sanskrit isnt great, but you do know what I am asking?A young man stepped forward. We do not want to fire Kali by depriving her of her sacrifices.Youre kidding, right?Kali is the bringer of destruction, without which there can be no rebirth. She is the remover of the bondage that ties us to the material world. If we anger her, she will deprive us of her divine destruction.I looked at Joshua across the concourse. Do you agnise this?Fear? he said.Can you help? I asked in Aramaic.Im not good at fear, Joshua said in Hebrew.I thought for a second as two hundred eyes pinned me to the sandstone on which I stood. I remembered the red-stained gashes on the wooden elephant statues at the communion table of Kali. Death was their delive rance, was it?What is your name? I asked the man who had stepped out of the crowd.Nagesh, he said. bemuse out your tongue, Nagesh. He did, and I threw back the cloth that covered my interrogative sentence and loosened it around my fill in. thusly I touched his tongue.Destruction is a gift you value?Yes, said Nagesh. so I shall be the performer of the goddesss gift. With that I pul guide the dismal glass prickle from the sheath in my sash, held it up forwards the crowd. While Nagesh stood, passive, wide-eyed, I drove my thumb under his jaw, pushed his psyche back, and brought the dagger bring across his throat. I lowered him to the ground as the red liquid spurted over the sandstone.I stood and faced the crowd again, safekeeping the dripping make over my betoken. You owe me, you ungrateful fucks I have brought to your people the gift of Kali, now bring me what I ask for.They moved squarely quickly for people who were on the edge of starvation.After the Untouchables bre ak up to do my bidding, Joshua and I stood over the production linestained body of Nagesh.That was fantastic, Joshua said. Absolutely perfect.Thanks.Had you been practicing all that time we were in the monastery?You didnt see me push the pressure point in his neck hence?No, not at all.Gaspars kung fu training. The rest, of course, was from Joy and Balthasar.I change shape over and opened Nageshs mouth, then took the ying-yang vial from around my neck and put a drop of the antidote on the Untouchables tongue.So he can hear us now, like when Joy poisoned you? Joshua asked.I pulled back one of Nageshs eyelids and watched the pupil contract slowly in the sunlight. No, I think hes free unconscious from me holding the pressure point. I didnt think the poison would work quickly enough. I could only get a drop of poison on my finger when I loosened my sari. I knew it would keep him down, I just wasnt sure it would put him down.Well, you are truly a magus, now, Biff. Im impressed.Joshu a, you healed a hundred people today. Half of them were probably dying. I did some sleight of hand.My friends enthusiasm was undeterred. Whats the red stuff, pomegranate juice? I cant figure of speech out where you concealed it.No, actually I was firing to ask you most that.What?I held my arm up and portrayed Joshua where I had slashed my own wrist (the source of melodic phrase for the show). I had been holding it against my leg and as concisely as I removed the pressure the blood started spurting again. I sat down hard on the sandstone and my vision began to tunnel down to a pinpoint. I was hoping you could help me out with this, I said forrader I fainted.You need to work on that part of the trick, Joshua said when I came to. I might not always be around to peg down your wrist. He was speaking Hebrew that meant for my ears only.I saw Joshua kneeling above me, then beyond him the sky was blotted out by curious brown faces. The recently murdered Nagesh was in the front of the crowd. Hey, Nagesh, howd the rebirth go? I asked in Sanskrit.I must have strayed from my dharma in my last life, Nagesh said. I have been reincarnated, once again, as an Untouchable. And I have the same execrable wife.You challenged master Levi who is called Biff, I said, of course you didnt move up. Youre lucky youre not a stink bug or something. See, destruction isnt the big favor you all thought it was.We brought the things you asked for.I hopped to my feet feeling incredibly rested and energized. Nice, I said to Joshua. I feel like I just had one of those buckram c impinge onees you used to make at Balthasars.I miss coffee, said Josh.I looked at Nagesh, I dont suppose youWe have swill.Never mind, I said. Then I said one of those things that as a boy ripening up in Galilee, you never think youll hear yourself say Okay, Untouchables, bring me the sheep bladdersRumi said that the goddess Kali was served by a host of black-skinned womanish demons, who sometimes during the f east would bring men to corners of the communion table and copulate with them as blood rained down from the goddesss saw-tooth maw above.Okay, Josh, youre one of them, I said.What are you gonna be?The goddess Kali, of course. You got to be graven image last time.What last time?All of the last times. I turned to my intrepid minions. Untouchables, paint him upTheyre not going to buy that a burr- clearanceed Jewish kid is their goddess of destruction.O ye of illumetle faith, I said.Three hours later we were again crouched beneath a tree weedy the temple of Kali. We were both dressed as women, covered from tip to toenail by our saris, but I was feeling much lumpier under mine due to Kalis extra arms and florilegium of disunite indicates, p put downed tonight by multi-colored sheep bladders filled with explosives and suspended around my neck by long strands of elephant tail hair. Any observers who might get close enough to notice my protrusions were quickly deterred by the smel l coming off of Joshua and me. We had used the goo from the bottom of Rumis pit to paint our bodies black. I didnt have the bravery to ask what the substance had been in life, but if there was a place where they throw in the toweled vultures to ripen in the sun forwards pounding them into a placid paste and mixing it with just the right amount of buffalo squat, then Rumi called it home. The Untouchables had also painted huge red rings around Joshuas eyes, fitted him with a ropey wig of oxtails, and affixed to his torso sise pert little breasts fashioned from pitch.Stay away from any open flame. Your tits will go up like volcanos.Why did I have to have six and you only had to have two.Because I am the goddess and have to wear the garland of skulls and the extra arms.Wed made my arms from rawhide, using my primary arms as models, then drying the molded arms in place over the fire. The women made a harness that held the extra arms in place under my own, then we painted the arms bla ck with the same black goo. They were a little wobbly, but they were light and would look realistic enough in the dark.It was still hours from the height of the ceremony at midnight, when the children would be hacked to death, but we wanted to be there in time to stop the revelers from cutting off the childrens fingers if we could. Now, the wooden elephants were empty on their turntables, but the altar of Kali was already filling with gruesome tribute. The heads of a thousand goats had been laid on the altar before the goddess, and the blood ran slick over the stones and in the grooves that channeled it into large side pots at the corners of the altar. Female acolytes carried the pots up a narrow ladder at the back of the great statue of Kali, then dumped them through some chassis of author that fed it through the goddesss jaws. Below, by burnlight, worshipers danced in the sticky shower as the blood flowed down upon them.Look, those women are dressed like me, Joshua said. Excep t they only have two breasts from severally one.Technically, theyre not dressed, theyre painted. You make a very attractive female demon, Josh. Did I tell you that?This isnt going to work.Of course its going to work.I guessed that there were already ten thousand worshipers in the temple square, dancing, chanting, and thrashing drums. A procession of thirty men came down the main boulevard, each carrying a basket under his arm. As they reached the altar, each man dumped the table of contents of the basket over the rows of bloody goat heads.What are those? Joshua asked.Those are precisely what you think they are.Theyre not the heads of the children?No, I think those are the heads of strangers who happened down the roadway we were on before Rumi came along to pull us into the grass.After the severed heads were dispersed across the altar, the female acolytes came out of the crowd dragging the acephalous corpse of a man, which they laid on the steps leading to the altar. severall y one mimed having intercourse with the corpse, then rubbed their genitalia against the bloody stump of its neck before dancing away, blood and ochre dripping down the insides of their thighs.Theres variety show of a theme developing here, I said.I think Im going to be sick, Joshua said.Mindful breath, I said, using one of the phrases that Gaspar was always barking at us when we were learning meditation. I knew that if Joshua could stay with the yeti for days at a time without freezing to death, he could certainly conjure up the bodily control to keep from throwing up. The sheer magnitude of the carnage was all that was keeping me from vomiting. It was as if the atrocity of the whole scene couldnt fit in my mind all at once, so I could only see just enough for my sanity and my stomach to remain intact.A forebode went up in the crowd now and I could see a torch-lit sedan leave being carried above the heads of the worshipers. On it reclined a half-naked man with a tiger skin wrap ped around his hips, his skin painted light gray with ashes. His hair was plaited with grease and he wore the bones of a homosexual hand as a skullcap. Around his neck hung a necklace of human skulls.High priest, I said.They arent even going to notice you, Biff. How can you even get their attention after theyve seen all this?They havent seen what Im going to show them.As the sedan chair emerged from the crowd in front of the altar, we could see a procession following it tied to the back of the sedan chair was a line of naked children, most of them not more than v or six, their detention tied together, a less ornately dressed priest on either side of them to steady them. The priests began to untie the children and take them to the great wooden elephants lining the boulevard. Here and there in the crowd I could see people beginning to brandish edged weapons absolutely swords, axes, and the long-bladed spears Joshua and I had seen over the elephant grass. The high priest was sitting on the headless corpse, shouting a poem about the divine release of Kalis destruction or something.Here we go, I said, pulling the black glass dagger from under my sari. Take this.Joshua looked at the blade shimmering in the torchlight. I wont cancel out anyone, he said. Tears were streaming down his cheeks, drawing long red lines through the black and if anything making him look more fierce.Thats fine, but youll need to cut them loose.Right. He took the knife from me.Josh, you know whats coming. Youve seen it before. Nobody else here has, specially those kids. You cant carry all of them, so they have to have enough of their wits about them to follow you. I know you can keep them from being afraid. Put your teeth in.Joshua nodded and slipped the row of crocodile teeth attached to a piece of rawhide under his upper lip, leaving the teeth to protrude like fangs. I put in my own false fangs, then ran into the dark to roach the crowd.As I approached the rear of the altar I pulled th e special torch Id made from under my girdle of human hands. (Actually my girdle of human hands was made of dried goats udders stuffed with straw, but the Untouchable women had done a lovely good job as long as no one bothered to count fingers.) Through Kalis stone legs I could see the priests bind each of the children on the trunk of a wooden elephant. As soon as the bonds were tight, each priest drew a bronze blade and held it aloft, ready to strike off a finger as soon as the high priest gave the signal.I struck the tip of my torch on the edge of the altar, screamed for all I was worth, then threw my sari off and ran up the steps as the torch burst into dazzling blue flame that trailed sparks behind me as I ran. I hopped across the rove of goat heads and stood between the legs of the statue of Kali, my torch held aloft in one hand, one of my severed heads swinging by the hair in the other.I am Kali, I screamed. Fear me It came out sort of mumbled through my fake teeth. approxi mately of the drums stopped and the high priest turned around and looked at me, more because of the bright light of the torch than my fierce proclamation.I am Kali, I shouted again. Goddess of destruction and all this disgusting crap you have here They werent getting it. The priest signaled for the other priests to come around me from the sides. Some of the female acolytes were already trying to make their way across the dance floor of decapitations toward me.I mean it. Bow down to me The priests charged on. I did have the crowds attention, though unfortunately they werent cowering in fear at my angry goddessness. I could see Joshua moving around the wooden elephants, the guarding priests having left their posts to come after me. Really I mean it Maybe it was the teeth. I spit them out toward the nearest of my attackers.Running across a sea of slick, bloody heads is ostensibly a pretty difficult task. Not if youve spent the last six years of your life hopping from the top of one po st to another, even in ice and snow, but for the run-of-the-mill homicidal priest, its a tough row to hoe. The priests and acolytes were slipping and sliding among the goat and human heads, falling over each other, smacking into the feet of the statue, one even impaling himself on a goats horn when he fell.One of the priests was only a few feet away from me now, trying not to fall on his own blade as he crawled over the mess. I will bring destructionoh, fuck it, I said. I lit the fuse on the severed head I held in my hand, then swung it between my legs and tossed it in a steep arch over my head. It trailed sparks on its way into the black goddesss open maw, then dis bulge outed.I kicked the approach priest in the jaw, then danced across the goat heads, leapt over the head of the high priest, and was halfway to Joshua at the first wooden elephant when Kali, with a thunderous report, breathed fire out over the crowd and the top of her head blew off.Finally, I had the crowds attention . They were trampling each other to get away, but I had their attention. I stood in the middle of the boulevard, swinging my second severed head in a circle, waiting for the fuse to burn down before I let it sail over the heads of the receding crowd. It exploded in the air, sending a circle of flame across the sky and no doubt deafening some of the worshipers who were close.Joshua had seven of the children around him, clinging to his legs as he moved to the next elephant. Several of the priests had recovered and were storming down the steps of the altar toward me, knives in hand. I pulled another head from my garland, lit the fuse, and held it out to them.Ah, ah, ah, I cautioned. Kali. Goddess of destruction. Wrath et cetera.At the sight of the sparking fuse they stopped and began to backpedal. Now thats the sort of respect you should have shown before.I started whirling the head by the hair and the priests lost all semblance of courage and turned and ran. I hurled the head back up the boulevard onto the altar, where it exploded, sending a spray of real severed goat heads in all directions.Josh Duck hind end headsJoshua pushed the children to the ground and fell over them until the pieces settled. He glared at me a second, then went on to free the other children. I hurled three more heads into varied directions and now the entire temple square was to the highest degree deserted but for Joshua, the children, a few injured worshipers, and the dead. I had built the bombs without any shrapnel in them, so those who had been injured had been trampled in the panic and the dead were those who had already been sacrificed to Kali. I think we pulled it off without killing anyone.As Joshua led the children down the wide boulevard and out of the temple square, I covered our exit, backing down the boulevard, my last explosive head swinging in one hand, my torch in the other. Once I saw that Joshua and the children were safely away, I lit the fuse, whirled the head around and let it fly toward the black goddess.Bitch, I said.I was out of sight when it exploded.Joshua and I got as far as a limestone cliff overlooking the gang up before we had to stop to let the children rest. They were timeworn and empty-bellied, but mostly they were hungry, and we had brought nothing for them to eat. At least, after Joshuas touch, they werent afraid, and that gave them some peace. Josh and I were too jangled to sleep, so we sat up as the children lay down on the rocks around us and snored like kittens. Joshua held Rumis little daughter, Vitra, and before long her face was smeared with black paint from nuzzling his shoulder. All through the night, as he rocked the child, all I heard Joshua say was, No more blood. No more blood.At first light we could see thousands, no, tens of thousands of people gathering at the banks of the river, all dressed in white, except for a few old men who were naked. They moved into the water and stood facing east, heads elevated in an ticipation, dotting the river as far as the eye could see. As the sun became a molten fingernail of light on the horizon, the muddy surface of the river turned golden. The gold light reflected off its surface onto the buildings, the shanties, the trees, the palaces, making everything in sight, including the worshipers, appear to have been gilded. And worshipers they were, for we could hear their songs from where we sat, and although we could not discern the words, we could hear that these were the songs of God.Are those the same people from last night? I said.They would have to be, wouldnt they?I dont understand these people. I dont understand their religion. I dont understand how they think.Joshua stood and watched the Indians bowing and singing to the dawn, looking occasionally to the face of the child that slept on his shoulder. This is testament to the glory of Gods creation, whether these people know it or not.How can you say that? The sacrifices to Kali, the way the Untouchabl es are treated. whatsoever they might believe, in practice their religion is hideous.Youre right. Its not right to denounce this child because she was not born a Brahman?Of course not.Then is it right to condemn her because she is not born a Jew?What do you mean?A man who is born a gentile may not see the kingdom of God. Are we, as Hebrews, any different from them? The lambs at the temple on Passover? The wealth and power of the Sadducees while others go hungry? At least the Untouchables can reach their reward eventually, through karma and rebirth. We dont allow any gentile to do so.You cant compare what they do to Gods law. We dont sacrifice human beings. We feed our poor, we take care of the sick.Unless the sick are unclean, Joshua said. notwithstanding, Josh, were the chosen. Its Gods will.But is it right? He wont tell me what to do. So Ill say. And I say, no more.Youre not just talking about eating bacon, are you?Gautama the Buddha gave the way to people of all births to limi t the hand of God. With no blood sacrifice. Our doors have been marked with blood for too long, Biff.So thats what you think youre going to do? Bring God to everyone?Yes. After a nap.Of course, I meant after a nap.Joshua held the little daughter so I could see her face as she slept on his shoulder.When the children awoke we led them back to their families at the pits, handing them into the arms of their mothers, who snatched each child away from us as if we were devils incarnate they glared over their shoulders as they carried the babies back to their pits.Grateful bunch, I said.They are afraid that weve angered Kali. And weve brought them another hungry mouth.Still. Why did they help us if they didnt want their children back?Because we told them what to do. Thats what they do. What they are told. Thats how the Brahmans keep them in line. If they do what they are told, then perhaps they will not be Untouchables next life.Thats depressing.Joshua nodded. We only had little Vitra to r eturn to her father now, and I was sure that Rumi would be happy to see his daughter. His distress over losing her had basically been the reason he had saved our lives. As we came over the sandstone rise we could see that Rumi was not entirely in his pit.Rumi stood on his sitting rock, stark naked, sprinkling salt on his erect member as a large humpbacked cow, which nearly filled the rest of the pit, licked at the salt. Joshua held Vitra so she faced away from the pit, then backed away, as if he didnt want to disturb the upshot of beefy intimacy.A cow, Rumi? I exclaimed. I thought you people had beliefs.Thats not a cow, thats a bull, Joshua said.Oh, thats got to be your super-bonus abomination there. Where we come from whole cities get destroyed for that kind of thing, Rumi. I reached over and put my hand over Vitras eyes. Stay away from Daddy, honey, or youll turn into a pillar of salt.But this is my wife, reincarnated.Oh, dont try that one on me, Rumi. For six years I lived in a Buddhist monastery where the only female company was a dead yak. I know from desperate.Joshua grabbed my arm. You didnt?Relax, Im just making a point. Youre the Messiah here, Josh. What do you think?I think we need to go to Tamil and find the third magus. He set Vitra down and Rumi quickly pulled up his loincloth as the child ran to him. Go with God, Rumi, Joshua said.May Shiva watch over you, you heretics. Thank you for returning my daughter.Joshua and I gathered up our clothes and satchels, then bought some rice in the market and set out for Tamil. We followed the Ganges south until we came to the sea, where Joshua and I washed the gore of Kali from our bodies.We sat on the beach, letting the sun dry our skin as we picked pitch out of our chest hairs.You know, Josh, I said, as I fought a particularly firm gob of tar that had stuck in my armpit, when you were leading those kids out of the temple square, and they were so little and weak, but none of them seemed afraidwell, it was sort of heartwarming.Yep, I love all the little children of the world, you know? Really?He nodded. Green and yellow, black and white.Good to know Wait, green?No, not green. I was just fuckin with you.